Crushes…..Good or Bad?

     “Oh my word.  He looked at me.”

     “Now there is a guy who I could walk down the aisle to.”

     “But do you think he likes me?”

     Welcome back to Chloe’s blog.  Joining us is our old friend and semi-regular.   You all know it, you all love it…..the crush.  It seemed that everything was going wonderful in your faith life and your decision to give your love life over to God when this wonderful person (or is it an angel in disguise?) walked into Church and caught your eye.

      It’s love at first sight.  But before you go over to introduce yourself, and after you’ve planned out what color your bridesmaids will wear and how you would do your hair for the wedding, may I recommend that you stop and ponder the age-old question:  Is having a crush a bad thing?

     The answer: Sometimes.  “Well thanks.  You are so specific and helpful,” you answer.  There are five steps to determine whether your crush is crazy, obsessive, and not pleasing God.
These five steps were laid out by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin, co-authors of my new favorite book, It’s (not that) complicated: how to relate to guys in a healthy, sane, and biblical way.    

Step one:  Father, let MY will be done.  God loves you SO much.  Really, He does.  To show our love for God, we have to trust him.  So we die to ourself in the constant struggle to say, “Let THY will be done.”  When we give into the struggle and decide that it is our life, and thus, our love life, we are putting a certain attractive person over what God wills for our life.  What does that boil down to?  A crush is unhealthy if you are worshipping the object of your affection as a false god.

Step two:  He/She is mine.  Though it’s great that you think that this person is your perfect match, that you both understand each other so well, and that your children are going to be the most beautiful that the world has ever seen… have no right to monopolize his/her time if you don’t have a wedding ring on your finger.  True love (not puppy love, infatuation, or lust) really wants the best for the other person.  So if you really love this person, it means giving up your notion of what is best in exchange for God’s better plan for the both of you.

Step three: Letting her lead / taking command.  In the way God created relationships to be, the man is the initiator and the woman is the chosen.  But when the girls do good things only to make her look like holy wife material when the guy is around, this is not being the chosen.  This is saying, “Look at meee!  I would make such a good wife!”  vs.  the correct approach of doing good things as though no one is watching.  As a young woman, you cannot pick the guy to pick you.      

Step four:  Hello!  Welcome to our imaginary house.   Your future with a young man / young woman is not guaranteed unless you are married.  So when we build our whole life around something that could-maybe-possibly-if everything falls in place-if he does the thing I want him to do possibility that you two might end up together is not relying on God.  For all you know, you could be someones wife (not his) and he could be someone else’s husband (not hers).

Step five:  My heart made me do it.  Just because your heart beats fast every time he/she walks in the room does not mean that you are destined for each other and this. is. love.   It also doesn’t mean that your mind can take a back seat and let your heart do the driving.  The inner struggle in dealing with a crush has nothing to do with the guy who looks like he could be the lead singer in one direction.  It has everything to do with being satisfied as being a daughter / son of God.

     What do you think?  Do you have a crush that you need to
re-evaluate?  Let me know in the comments below!

God bless,

Chloe M. 

2 thoughts on “

  1. I am a woman. I also initiated the relationship with my husband, and now we are married and expecting baby number one.

    I found your blog from your post on a Catholic forum, and I guess I'll just share with you my initial reaction after (briefly) browsing through it.

    First of all, you seem like a very intelligent, God-loving young woman who knows what she wants. You also come across as confident and having a zest for life.

    However, I can't help but think that in terms of relationships, you seem to be a tad naive in some things. I don't know, I guess it just seems like you have this humongous list that you are expecting to be able to check off one by one when it comes to finding “the one.” However life doesn't always happen like we plan it.

    I'm not saying you should compromise on your values, I just think you should be prepared to accept that maybe God has different plans for you. I just don't want you to be so set on your long list for qualities in a husband, or your courting idea, that you reject a Godly-man that was sent your way because he in some way didn't adhere exactly to your ideals.

    My husband and I would not be together if I had not made the first move (he's shy, thought I wasn't interested in him, etc), and yet our marriage is more than I ever though God could bless me with. It's that amazing! I never thought that I would be the one to make the first move, and yet that's what happened.


  2. First off, congratulations on your marriage and baby-to-be! How exciting, and I'll keep in you in my prayers for a healthy and safe delivery for both you and your baby.

    Thank you so much for your comment – you are right. I am naive to dating because I have never had a relationship, and as an eighteen year old girl, I'm not looking for that relationship yet. I have the perfect guy right now, Christ Himself, and I'm enjoying being single and serving Him to the best of my ability.

    I do understand compromises are necessary – there is no “perfect” guy out there. There are a lot of great guys who would make great husbands for me. Yet on main goals (like a Catholic man who is open to life and NFP) I shouldn't compromise. Things that aren't the foundation of the relationship (it would be nice if he ___________) are things that aren't necessary and can be compromised. It's finding that balance and not trying to micro-manage a relationship, but putting it in God's hands.

    Have a wonderful Easter season and God bless!

    Chloe M.


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